


...Know Me

by 1f_this_be_madness



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Case Fic, Closeted Character, Colonialism, F/F, Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, I don't know what to say this is just sad, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, One Shot, Pre-Canon, Short One Shot, Teen Dean Winchester, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28950384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness
Summary: A solo hunt. Could have gone bad, and did - but not in the way he expected.(Or, a look at a possibility of what occurred on the hunt in John Winchester's journal that happened on Dean's birthday when he turned seventeen)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	...Know Me

**January 24.**

**Dean turns seventeen today. We went shooting. Then I sent him out on his first hunt. I've let him take the lead before, but I've always been there to back him up. This time he's on his own. Partly it's a test, and partly I wanted some time with Sammy. Should be no problem for Dean. Ghosts of two nuns haunting St. Stephen's Indian Mission in Riverton, Wyoming. Simple salt and burn mission. Nuns in love with each other, then discovered. Killed themselves. We scoped the situation out, figured there must be something left behind that's now a focus for the haunting. Bible, rosary beads, some small article hidden somewhere in their room. I figured Dean would take care of it, no problem, but I still stayed close by with Sammy.**

~~~

Dean wasn't sent on solo hunts after that. Not for years. Not after he shirked the protocol on that one - found out what happened and where the nuns' bodies had been buried; where they were tossed, more like - and found something. Woven braided things, like bracelets, or the religious beads, rosaries. A pair of them pressed between the pages of a Bible. 

Took that out to the bones after going in the convent. Stayed the night in the priory, instead of salting and burning right away. He stayed in the room, the cell where the ghosts were now, and where they had lived.

And he spoke to them.

Said how awful it must have been in such a place, tough to push down people who were different, nigh impossible, especially if you were also different. He got it, and he was sorry. Love is love, and... something cracked, broke as he added "...and you two should, you deserve to be together from now on." So when he dug up the bones, he hauled them out and into a single grave, his heart beating a tattoo against his ribs and hands slipping on the splintery wood of the staff of his shovel. His stomach rolled, acidic burning of bile rising up into his throat and mouth then at the thought of telling his father about this hunt. Or him.

"I get it," he said. "People tell you that you gotta be a certain way. Expect somethin'. I don't know about god, don't even know if I believe, but - you shouldn't be stuck. Not like this. Me, I can't help it." Mirthless bark of laughter then precedes sweaty hand swiping down his face, wiping at his cheeks. "Got what I got. I have to -" stay and take care of Sammy. And of Dad.

They don't need you, not like you need them. Weak, needy. Mama's boy without a mama. My son won't be like _this_! The slurs, the snarls. Maybe not all the way, directly, but what did this hunt say? What was the lesson needed to teach? Can't be this way. Can't tell his truth. Can't like both, and. It makes no sense. _You just have to choose. People can't choose. That's what's wrong with them. Don't be like that, you're not like that, are you? No. Not my son._

So he wouldn't be. He wouldn't be, wouldn't act on it for his father. Because his family needs him. Or he needs them. That's what is most important. Taking care. Not this. Not being like this. And he won't just, he can't just leave...

He's family. He is part of a family and it's all he's got. He wants to keep it. Needs to keep it.

Not to roll over and die, but to keep fighting, no matter what. 

But this isn't a fight. He cannot change his father's mind. So he lets jokes pass, lets snide comments go. He is a good son, a good little soldier. He has to be. He's always had to be.

He does what he has to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for Dean's birthday. Why can't I get inspiration for nICE things? Sigh
> 
> Dean Winchester means a lot to me and I can relate heavily to what I imagine here as well as to what I saw on the show. Dean is a very personal character for me.
> 
> My immense thanks to and respect for Jensen Ackles for breathing life into this character for fifteen years, and for caring so much about who Dean is and about his journey. As well as the journeys of the fans. I too care about journeys - Dean's, mine, and your own :)
> 
> I send my affection and support to you all. Carry on, keep fighting, love is love <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Makin' Their Way the Only Way They Know How](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29528694) by [1f_this_be_madness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness)




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